Communication is a pivotal step in sexual health. Communicating about wants, needs, desires and fantasies with your partner will help you both enjoy sex more.
If you aren't sure where to start, one easy way to do this is to create a yes/no/maybe list - you and your partner each write a list of things you enjoy, and then trade, each partner marks the activity as a "yes", a "no" or a "maybe." This can help spark conversation about likes and dislikes.
Getting and Giving Consent
We at FSU Center for Health Advocacy and Wellness, define consent as "asking the question of a capable person with adequate disclosure and without coercion."
Asking The Question:
- This can range from asking what type of relationship you are in to asking which acts are not okay and which ones your partner likes. Be Specific, Be Verbal, Request a response.
- Examples: Would you like it if I went down on you?
- Can we abstain from sex?
- This means that the person you are engaging in is not incapacitated by drugs, alcohol etc, responsive and engaged, able to mentally, physically and emotionally give consent. Examples:
- A person who has fallen asleep is not capable of consent.
- A person who is experiencing extreme grief may not be capable of consent.
- Discussing STI/HIV status, contraception (including if it will be used and how), intention for the relationship, and discussing boundaries.
- Example: I got tested last week and I am STI free, and even though I'm on birth control, I want to use condoms.
- Example: I don't like when people leave visible hickies or marks, so please don't.
- This means both parties are free from pressure, there is no physical force used and everyone is giving an enthusiastic yes.
- Example: A person who says "if you love me, you will have sex with me" is coercing another person.
For more information about sexual violence prevention, healthy relationships and information on FSU's stance on partner violence visit knowmore.fsu.edu.